Divorce and family separation are often associated with conflict and stress. This case shows how mediation, handled with care and expertise, could help a separating couple reach workable agreements in a calm and constructive way.
For context
Mr and Mrs Hales* separated and needed to resolve arrangements for their children and their matrimonial finances. Both parties had their own solicitors so instructed Tees Partners, Clare Pilsworth and Helen Midgley, as qualified mediators.
Their children’s arrangements were complex. The children predominantly lived with their father, while their mother lived almost two hours away. Only their mother could drive so she had to manage all logistics. One of the children had ADHD, which made maintaining video and telephone contact between visits challenging and sometimes upsetting for both parents.
Alongside this context, the parents had very different communication styles and approaches to parenting and planning. Distance made this harder, and they both felt frustrated despite sharing the clear intention of always doing what was best for their children.
What happened next?
Mediation is a voluntary process where an independent, neutral and trained mediator helps separating couples talk through issues and reach their own agreements. Mediation focuses on communication, understanding and practical solutions, rather than looking backwards and concentrating on blame.
Across several sessions, Clare helped both parents recognise each other’s concerns. She supported them in acknowledging that the difficulties with remote contact were not the fault of either parent and that they both were trying to make things better for the children. This reduced tension and helped rebuild trust.
Clare also guided discussions around routine and flexibility. Both parents agreed that consistency was important for the children, but they differed on how rigid arrangements should be. Using her experience in family mediation, Clare helped them strike a balance. The outcome was a bespoke four-week rota and parenting plan that worked around distance, school needs and each parent’s time with the children.
Resolving the finances
The financial arrangements were also complex. There was a large age gap between the participants. The father had given up work to care for the children, and the mother was the main breadwinner. The disparity between the parents’ income had to be addressed. There were also questions and concerns about possibly sharing assets that had accrued before their relationship began.
The family’s main shared asset was the family home, where the father wished to remain, to minimise disruption for the children, who were settled in school with support in place for their Special Educational Needs. The mother shared that wish but was concerned that it may not be affordable in practice and she wanted to ensure the children were properly provided for with both of their parents.
By road testing and sense checking various possible scenarios with both participants using a Shuttle Mediation format, Helen Midgley was able to work with the parents to reach a consensus, which allowed the father to remain in the family home in an affordable way, while providing the mother with a lump sum deposit to help her buy a new property for herself and the children. Helen recorded the agreed proposals in a Memorandum of Understanding.
Giving you the full picture
Through mediation, the parties avoided court proceedings and reached agreements on both parenting and finances that felt fair and workable to them. Importantly, they were able to do so in a way that reduced conflict and focused on their family’s future.
This case highlights how divorce does not have to mean prolonged stress. With skilled mediation from Clare Pilsworth and Helen Midgley, Tees helped this family move forward calmly, with arrangements shaped around their children’s needs and their individual circumstances.
*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of those involved.
