Domestic abuse encompasses various forms of harm, both visible and invisible. Let’s look into a form of invisible abuse known as “gaslighting” explore strategies to recognise this and explain how our family law solicitors can support victims.
What is gaslighting?
‘Gaslighting’ is a form of psychological abuse where false information is presented to the victim to encourage them to question their own reality, memory and perception.
The term originates from the film ‘Gas Light’ in 1944. The film follows a husband who slowly manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind in order to control her and gain access to her inheritance. The husband subtly dims the gas lights in their home and then denies any change when his wife notices it. He manages to convince her she is imagining things, and eventually she starts to question her own perceptions and sanity.
The aim of the perpetrator is to exert control and power over the victim. Gaslighting is often used by abusers to:
o Undermine the victim’s confidence
o Make them doubt their own memory or judgment
o Isolate them from friends and family
o Gain emotional or psychological control over them
The psychological and emotional impact of gaslighting is significant. The manipulative pattern of behaviour is often subtle and used over time to cause confusion and powerlessness to the victim so that the abuser’s control and power over them increases and they become more dependent on the abuser.
How does gaslighting work?
Identifying signs of gaslighting in a relationship can be challenging as they are often not immediately obvious given it tends to involve a pattern of behaviours. Gaslighting typically involves a series of tactics including the following:
1. Denial and Distortion – “That never happened” “You’re imagining things”
An abuser may deny things they said or did, even if the victim has proof of it. They may make victims question whether they have “misunderstood” something that is obvious, or twist and manipulate events to make themselves the victim.
2. Blame shifting – “This is your fault, not mine”
An abuser may try to shift the blame onto the victim even when they are clearly wrong. They may make the victim feel guilty for addressing their behaviour or tell the victim they are ‘overreacting’ to try to diminish the victim’s justified feelings.
3. Memory manipulation – “You’re remembering it wrong”
An abuser may try to rewrite events to suit their narrative and tell the victim their memory is incorrect, and that the victim’s version of events is irrational or impossible.
4. Projection and deflection – “You’re the one gaslighting”
An abuser may try to deflect their behaviour and accuse the victim of doing what the victim has said they are doing, to shift the focus away from their own actions.
5. Minimising feelings – “You’re being dramatic”
An abuser may try to downplay victim’s emotions and feelings and try to argue the victim is exaggerating or make them feel ashamed for expressing their feelings.
6. Triangulation – “Even your friends think you are being irrational”
An abuser may try to involve friends and family to back up their version of events, with the aim to isolate the victim into feeling like everyone is against them.
7. Nonengagement – “I don’t want to talk about this again”
An abuser may refuse to engage in conversations about their behaviour and may try to undermine the victim’s feelings by acting bored or annoyed when victim tries to express their feelings. This is also known as ‘stonewalling’.
8. Disingenuous concern or support – “I am only saying this because I care about you”
An abuser may try to fake kindness to manipulate behaviour and exert control over the victim, making it seem like their control is for the victim’s “own good”.
Is gaslighting a form of abuse?
Yes, gaslighting has been recognised as a form of domestic abuse for years. However, in 2015 under section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015 created the specific offence of “controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship”. Therefore, if used repeatedly and it has a serious effect on the victim, gaslighting can be a criminal offence. In January 2022, the term ‘gaslighting’ was acknowledged for the first time in the High Court. This judgment was welcomed by family law practitioners as whilst coercive control has been a criminal offence since 2015, by actually referring to ‘gaslighting’ in its own right, the family court acknowledged the severity and legitimacy of this form of domestic abuse, and it is now a term commonly adopted in the family courts.
Often victims of domestic abuse worry they may not be believed if there is no physical evidence and so they are reluctant to come forward. However, the family courts are increasingly recognising non-physical forms of domestic abuse, and this has led to an increased awareness and understanding of non-physical forms and better support and legal protections for victims of such abuse.
How can we help?
At Tees, our family law specialists have a great deal of experience securing protection for victims of domestic abuse. We help our clients apply to the family court for court orders to protect them and we support them through this process. We work alongside domestic abuse organisations, charities, and counsellors to ensure our clients gain the protection and support they need.
If you or anyone you know requires advice or would like to discuss matters, please do get in touch. If you are in immediate danger from domestic abuse, please dial 999.
For further information about domestic abuse and how we can help, please visit our article: Domestic abuse
