Parenting Archives

Have you agreed on Christmas holiday arrangements for your children?

Posted on 1 November 202422 March 2025 by Sarah O'Sullivan

he holiday season can be stressful for divorced parents. In this article, we will discuss how to best plan for the festive period.

Every year our family law solicitors advise parents who are facing difficult questions around the Christmas holidays following separation. For a lot of families, issues tend to centre around deciding who the children will spend Christmas day or New Year with and what happens when a parent faces spending a period of the festive season without seeing their children.

Plan ahead where possible

Most families adjust to life after separation with children spending time during the festive period with both parents. If handled sensitively, children adjust quickly and look forward to the opportunity to share their Christmas holiday celebrations with both parts of their family.

Usually, it is the parents who find adjusting to not being able to be with their child over the entire Christmas period the hardest. The key is to plan ahead, don’t leave difficult decisions to the last minute and have an open line of communication with your co-parent, if possible

Consider the bigger picture

Some parents tell us that they dread the onset of the festive period and struggle to accept the new arrangements. Long term, the aim is to be able to co-parent over the holiday periods and in such a way that your child will understand that both parents love them and want to spend positive periods of time with them. However, we understand that separation can be a bumpy road, so it’s easier for some to achieve this than others.

The welfare and best interests of your child are the most important factors to be considered and it is often difficult for parents to come to terms with not seeing their child on Christmas Day when this has been the norm previously. Focus instead on making the time that you will spend with your child during the festive period a special occasion.

If your co-parenting relationship allows it, consider whether you could facilitate a short video call with your co-parent and your child over the festive period if they are not going to be spending time with them, allowing your child to share the special occasion with both their parents.

Talk to each other

If there are no welfare issues and you are struggling to reach an agreement with your co-parent about sharing a festive period, it’s usually quicker and cheaper to try to resolve matters by agreement rather than going to court. This can include using the services of a mediator, who is a neutral third party trained to help facilitate conversations between you and your co-parent on topics where you do not agree. They will arrange a meeting with your former partner, and their solicitor (if any/appropriate) to agree how childcare over the Christmas holidays will be split. Communication is key: airing your thoughts normally pays off, allowing you to negotiate a fair, practical agreement over the festive season well in advance.

Ensuring your child can spend time with both parents and their extended family is often a consideration. Your plans don’t have to focus around the grandparents’ availability but making sure your child can see their extended family over the Christmas holidays is important to the entire family.

Don’t leave your plans to the last minute

If you think Christmas is going to be a problem, seek legal advice well in advance. This will give you time to reach an agreement that suits the needs of both parents and your children.

If you’re struggling to agree on plans this year—or any other time of year—try speaking to a neutral third party or mediator to help you plan as much as possible. Clare Pilsworth and Helen Midgeley are mediators based in our Cambridge and Bishop’s Stortford offices, respectively, and they would be happy to discuss making the most of the festive period this year with you and your co-parent.

Planning for the school holidays

Posted on 3 June 202422 March 2025 by Sarah O'Sullivan

The school holiday season can be stressful enough for separated parents. In this article, we will discuss how to best plan for the holiday.

Every year our family law solicitors advise parents who are facing difficult questions around the holiday periods following separation. For a lot of families, issues centre around deciding with whom the children will spend their time and if there are any issues on where the other parent is taking them if they were going away.

Our advice to co-parents is:

Plan ahead where possible

Most families adjust to life after separation with children spending time during the summer holidays with both parents. If handled sensitively, children adjust quickly and look forward to the opportunity to share their holidays with both parts of their family.

Usually, it is the parents who find adjusting to new arrangements over the holiday time difficult. To make such decisions easier, the key is to plan ahead and not leave difficult decisions to the last minute.

Consider the bigger picture

The aim is to be able to co-parent over the holiday periods in such a way that your child will understand that both parents love them and want to spend positive periods of time with them. However, we understand that separation can be a bumpy road, and it’s easier for some to achieve this than others.

Talk to each other

If there are no welfare issues and you are struggling to reach an agreement with your co-parent about sharing the school holidays, it is usually quicker and cheaper to use a mediator rather than going to court. They will arrange a meeting with your former partner to agree on how childcare over the holidays will be split. Communication is key: airing your thoughts normally pays off, allowing you to negotiate a fair, practical custody agreement over the school holidays well in advance.

To make the school holiday period work for you, it’s a good idea to put your agreement in writing. This will not only help with organisation, but it will help you both keep track of what’s been agreed upon when you’re making bookings or holiday arrangements again in the future.

Set out a Parenting Plan

There doesn’t have to be a formal process if you can both agree easily which will allow you to tailor the plan to suit both parents. If you’re looking for a good place to start, though, try using this free Parenting Plan template from the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS).

Remember your parental responsibility obligations if going abroad

You must have the express permission of everyone with parental responsibility before taking a child outside of England and Wales. Taking a child abroad without the permission of the court or everyone with parental responsibility is child abduction.

Some international borders require sight of a written permission letter from the other parent and might ask to see this or other evidence of this consent before allowing you to travel. Therefore, to avoid delays, make arrangements in advance of travel for the handing over of passports and permission letters (we would suggest that this letter includes the other parent’s contact details and details about the trip).

Nesting: What is it and does it benefit children?

Posted on 28 March 202422 March 2025 by Sarah O'Sullivan

You may have come across the term ‘nesting’ or ‘birdnesting’ in the context of post-separation parenting and divorce. In this piece, we look at nesting, its benefits and disadvantages.

Nesting defined

Nesting is a co-parenting arrangement where the children remain in the family home and the mum and dad alternate living there.

In some cases, parents will jointly secure (whether by renting or buying) a second (usually smaller) property where each parent will stay while the other parent is staying with the children. In other cases, each parent has separate alternative accommodation, possibly with family members or friends, if resources do not allow them to rent or buy.

Nesting aims to provide consistency and reduce upheaval for children during their parents’ separation. By keeping the children in a familiar environment, nesting helps preserve a sense of routine and security.

What are the benefits of nesting?

Nesting enables the children to maintain a single, familiar home environment, rather than having to move between two different houses. Particularly in the early stages of parents’ separation, staying in the same home can alleviate any anxiety and aid in adjusting to the changes in their family dynamic.

Maintaining two-family homes following separation can be financially challenging, as it often involves duplicating expenses such as rent or mortgage payments, utilities, and household supplies. Nesting can ensure that children spend time with each parent in a home that is appropriate for their needs.

Where there are limited resources, nesting can be used as an interim solution until a family home is sold and the proceeds divided, when both parents can purchase or rent their own homes.

Practical arrangements can also be easier for children in a nesting arrangement – there is no need for two sets of clothes, furniture and toys, for example.

What are the disadvantages of Nesting?

Despite its several benefits, nesting is not appropriate or beneficial for all families in all circumstances. Nesting requires parents to maintain open communication, cooperation, and a willingness to set personal differences aside for the sake of creating a single harmonious home environment for the children. It also requires mutual respect for the other’s personal space and privacy in the shared home.

Depending on the circumstances of the relationship breakdown, it might be too difficult or painful for parents to continue to share a home, even if they are not staying there at the same time, and any unhappiness or conflict that occurs, as a result, could impact the children.

Even parents with a good co-parenting relationship might find that sharing responsibility for a home after separation can be difficult to coordinate, and petty annoyances over, for example, who stocks the fridge and cleans the bathroom, can create friction.

In communicating with their children about a nesting arrangement, parents need to protect against the risk of confusion or mixed messages about their parent’s relationship. Seeing their parents alternating living in the family home might create false hope for reconciliation or contribute to a sense of uncertainty.

While nesting might work well in the short term arrangement, it is usually not appropriate in a longer term living arrangement where children may benefit from making a home with each parent separately.

While it offers stability and continuity, it may also introduce confusion and require careful management from the parents. Tees family solicitors can help provide guidance on the legal aspects of nesting and help ensure the children’s best interests are prioritised throughout the process.

Demystifying spousal maintenance

Posted on 25 January 202422 March 2025 by Sarah O'Sullivan

Spousal maintenance, also known as spousal support or alimony, is a financial payment made by one spouse or civil partner to the other on a regular basis to help meet their financial needs. While the legal term is “periodical payments,” many people refer to it as spousal maintenance for ease of understanding. In this article, we’ll use the term spousal maintenance, and note that “spouse” includes civil partners as well as husbands and wives.

What is the purpose of spousal maintenance?

The primary goal of spousal maintenance is to assist the financially weaker party as they transition to financial independence. In some cases, if financial independence is not achievable, payments may continue until one party passes away, although indefinite maintenance orders are now less common.

Courts carefully consider several factors to determine both the amount (known as the “quantum”) and the duration (known as the “term”) of spousal maintenance. Let’s explore who qualifies, how payments are calculated, and other essential details.

Who can apply for spousal maintenance?

Anyone going through a divorce or dissolving a civil partnership can request spousal maintenance. However, it is not a guaranteed part of a financial settlement. The court’s primary objective is to achieve financial independence for both parties where fair and possible.

It’s important to note that the higher-earning spouse will not automatically be required to pay spousal maintenance. Factors such as the length of the marriage, each party’s financial resources, and their earning capacities are all taken into account. Crucially, spousal maintenance is needs-based, not income-equalising.

How is spousal maintenance calculated?

There is no strict formula for calculating spousal maintenance. Instead, the court relies on detailed budgets prepared by both parties. These budgets should outline all essential monthly expenses, including mortgage or rent, utilities, groceries, fuel, and clothing, as well as discretionary expenses like holidays and entertainment.

Payee’s Budget: Demonstrates the financial shortfall the receiving spouse needs to cover their reasonable expenses.
Payer’s Budget: Establishes whether they have sufficient surplus income to meet the requested maintenance payments.

Both parties may need to adjust their expectations, as maintaining two separate households is often more expensive than maintaining one. Spousal maintenance is generally viewed as a temporary support mechanism, encouraging the payee to become financially self-sufficient.

How long does spousal maintenance last?

While courts in England and Wales are known for their generosity with spousal maintenance orders, permanent or “joint-lives” orders are increasingly rare. The court often imposes a fixed-term order, giving the recipient time to achieve financial independence.

If the parties can reach an agreement through solicitor negotiations, this can be formalized in a court order. If not, the court will make a determination. Documentation is crucial to ensure any agreed payments are enforceable.

What happens if my ex refuses to work?

Both parties are generally expected to maximize their earning capacity. If a spouse refuses to seek employment without a valid reason, the court may impute an income to them, assuming they could reasonably earn a specified amount.

What events can impact spousal maintenance?

1. Death

Spousal maintenance usually ends upon the death of the paying party unless the order specifies otherwise.

2. Remarriage

If the payee remarries, spousal maintenance automatically ceases.
If the payer remarries, maintenance payments remain unaffected.

3. Cohabitation

Cohabitation by the payee may be grounds for reducing or terminating spousal maintenance, but it is not automatic unless specified in the court order.

4. Change in Circumstances

If either party’s financial situation changes, an application can be made to the court to vary the maintenance order. For example, the payer may request a reduction if they lose their job, while the payee may apply for an increase if their financial situation deteriorates.

How does child maintenance impact spousal maintenance?

Child maintenance is handled separately from spousal maintenance. Child-related expenses (such as school uniforms and extracurricular activities) are accounted for in a different budget.

For most families, child maintenance is calculated using the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) formula. In some cases, such as when the paying parent has a high income or lives abroad, the court may have the authority to determine child maintenance. Even if child maintenance is included in a court order, either party can apply to the CMS for a recalculation after 12 months.

Final thoughts

Spousal maintenance can be a complex and sensitive issue, with outcomes varying significantly depending on individual circumstances. Seeking legal advice is essential to ensure you understand your rights and responsibilities. Whether you are negotiating an agreement or pursuing a court application, professional support can help you achieve a fair resolution.

For more guidance on spousal maintenance or other family law matters, contact a qualified solicitor to explore your options.

What is a child arrangements order during divorce or separation?

Posted on 2 December 202123 March 2025 by Sarah O'Sullivan

A child arrangements order is a legal document that formalises childcare agreements between parents who are going through a divorce or separation. It determines critical aspects such as where the children will live and how much time they will spend with each parent.

This type of court order is typically necessary when parents cannot reach a mutual agreement on childcare arrangements. Ideally, parents should try to resolve these issues amicably, often with the assistance of a mediator. However, if disputes remain unresolved, applying for a Child Arrangements Order through the court may be the best option.

Why might you need a child arrangements order?

You may require a Child Arrangements Order if:

You are unable to agree on custody or visitation arrangements.
One parent is not adhering to a previously agreed-upon schedule.
There are concerns about a parent neglecting their responsibilities.
Mediation has failed to resolve disagreements.

If both parents are cooperating and the existing arrangements are working, a court order is typically unnecessary.

How to apply for a child arrangements order

Attempt mediation first:
- Before applying for a child arrangements order, you are legally required to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) unless there are valid reasons not to do so, such as instances of domestic abuse.
Seek legal advice:
- A solicitor can guide you through the process, helping you prepare your application and submit it to the court.
Attend court hearings:
- Both parents will need to attend a court hearing, where a judge or magistrate will assess the situation.
- A representative from the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (CAFCASS) may also provide input by producing a safeguarding report and making recommendations.
Decision making:
- The court will prioritise the child’s welfare, considering factors like their wishes, feelings, and overall needs.
- If an agreement cannot be reached during the initial hearing, further evidence may be required before a final decision is made.

Specific issue orders and prohibited steps orders

In addition to Child Arrangements Orders, the court may issue:

Specific issue orders: For resolving specific disputes, such as which school a child should attend or whether they should follow a particular religion.
Prohibited steps orders: To prevent a parent from taking certain actions, like relocating a child abroad without consent.

Child arrangements orders vs. special guardianship orders

A Special Guardianship Order (SGO) grants parental responsibility to someone other than the child’s parents, often in cases where parents are unable to provide proper care. Unlike a Child Arrangements Order, an SGO allows the guardian to make decisions without requiring parental approval, although some significant decisions still require consent.

Can grandparents apply for a child arrangements order?

Yes, grandparents or other relatives can apply for a Child Arrangements Order, although they need the court’s permission first. This may be relevant if they have been acting as the child’s primary caregivers or if they wish to establish visitation rights.

How to change a child arrangements order

While Child Arrangements Orders are intended to provide long-term stability, circumstances can change. If significant changes occur, such as a parent relocating, remarrying, or experiencing financial difficulties, you can apply to modify the order. The court will reassess the child’s best interests before making any adjustments.

Expert legal support for child arrangements orders

Navigating the complexities of child custody during a separation can be challenging. Seeking the advice of our specialist family law solicitor can ensure that your child’s best interests remain the priority. Professional legal support can help formalise arrangements and provide clarity and reassurance during this difficult time.

For further guidance on child arrangements orders, contact our experienced family law team today.

Why do I need legal advice for my fertility treatment?

Posted on 12 October 202123 March 2025 by Sarah O'Sullivan

Fertility treatment can be a stressful time for all involved and therefore it is important to ensure that you are fully aware of your legal position as parents in the future.

Speaking to a solicitor may be the last thing on your mind when undergoing fertility treatment, however it is becoming increasingly necessary to ensure that you take independent legal advice.

Caroline Andrews, family law specialist here at Tees has many years’ experience specialising in fertility and surrogacy law and has leading case law experience on the issue of legal parenthood, as well as an understanding of fertility-related conditions such as PCOS. In this article, Caroline outlines the various legal implications that must be considered by all parties when a child is born through fertility treatment.

Family law judges recommend that “any person considering fertility treatment should ensure that they are familiar with the legal steps around the treatment, given the significant impact it could have both in the short and long term”.

If you are thinking about undergoing fertility treatment, it is important to consider the legal issues. The law can be complex so if you are starting a family, there are some key factors to consider:

Who will be your child’s legal parents?

How does the nature of the treatment and any donors, or forms completed at the clinic, impact on the legal parenthood?

If you are conceiving at a clinic, it is important to understand how the law governs your fertility treatment and affects your rights to information

If you are not using an at home conception, does this change how the law looks at the status of any intended parent?

In addition, if you are conceiving with, or as a known donor or co-parent, being aware of how to manage relationships and expectations to avoid problems later on and knowing where you would stand if there was a dispute between you, are also important considerations that are worth taking the time to discuss with a legal expert ahead of time.

Should I use a fertility clinic?

The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA) regulates all UK licensed fertility clinics. You must give informed consent to fertility treatment at a UK licensed fertility clinic and this requires a clear understanding of English law and its implications in practice for you, your future child and your donor if you use donor sperm or eggs.

If you don’t have treatment with a licensed clinic the situation is more complicated. There’s a risk that your donor will be considered a parent by law – with all the rights and responsibilities that brings.

What are my options if I am separated from my partner but wish to have a baby?

If you are separated from your spouse or civil partner and you intend to artificially conceive a child as a single parent, you should first obtain expert legal advice. English law states that if you carry the pregnancy then you are your child’s legal mother.

Your spouse or civil partner will be the legal second parent of your child for English legal purposes unless it can be shown your spouse did not consent to your treatment and artificial conception. There will be difficulties with the forms ahead of treatment and presumptions in law after treatment so advice is essential.

What is co-parenting?

Co-parenting is when two people wish to be parents but who are not in a relationship together. This is a rising trend in America and becoming more common here in the UK.

If you carry the pregnancy, you will be your child’s legal parent under English law and your co-parent may acquire legal rights and responsibilities for your child which may or may not accord with your wishes and expectations. Therefore in this situation is extremely important to have a legal expert draft a co-parenting agreement, to ensure that the childcare arrangements are established and agreed on from the start.

A bespoke co-parenting agreement will also be an important tool if a dispute arises with your co-parent or if there is a change in either of your personal circumstances.

Will a known male donor have any legal rights in relation to my baby?

Yes, he may do. Artificial conception with a known donor creates complex legal issues under English law. Your known donor will be the biological father of your child. Irrespective of your wishes, he may also acquire legal status in respect of your child, to the detriment of your legal parental autonomy. He may also acquire unintended financial responsibility for your child.

If you are considering known donation it is strongly advisable to put in place a known donor agreement before conception.

Can I seek fertility treatment abroad?

You may be considering fertility treatment abroad. The HFEA does not regulate the practices of overseas fertility clinics. You should obtain expert legal advice in your destination country because the law may be different from law in the UK. There are a number of concerns as to treatment abroad in relation to medical health and legal impact such as immigration issues for any child.

Can I take time off work for IVF treatment?

There is no specific statutory right to time off work for fertility treatment which can often be time consuming and stressful. However, your employer should treat your medical appointments for IVF treatment like any other medical appointment. Similarly, if you are written off sick by your GP due to the side effects of IVF, your employer should treat your absence as no different to any other sick leave taken not in conjunction with IVF.

If you are at a medical appointment or off sick, you must make sure you follow your employer’s usual sick policy requirements. There are specific rules for surrogates in respect of employment rights. The Tees employment team can advise you fully on your legal employment rights whilst undergoing fertility treatment.

Storage of frozen embryos, egg and sperm

The Department for Health has extended the time limit for frozen embryo, egg and sperm storage for a period of 55 years as long as consent is gained every 10 years. This is to protect people who were finding the previous limit of 10 years was not sufficient.

Fertility organisations had been lobbying the government on this point of law for some time so this extension to the time limit is very welcome.

Other considerations

If you are going through a pregnancy involving a surrogate, there are different interpretations as well as concerns around whether the intended parents can be present for the birth. To combat past lockdown measures, the Family Court has put in place systems to facilitate hearings involving parental orders via telephone and video conferencing to enable matters to progress in spite of disruption due to Covid.

The importance of a well drafted Will

Whether undergoing fertility treatment or conceiving naturally, any prospective parent should think about having a Will drawn up. Your Will should appoint legal guardians for your child in the event of your death and appoint trustees to manage your finances on behalf of your child until your child is old enough to manage these assets. Given the complexities of who is deemed a legal parent, this can impact on who is considered a child under a Will. Therefore, tailored legal advice for your family is essential to protect them.

At Tees, our specialist Wills, Tax and Trusts team can help you prepare a carefully-worded Will to ensure that your child’s interests are fully considered.

Whatever your situation, our legal specialists are here to help guide you. We at Tees understand that undergoing fertility treatment can be an emotional time for you not to mention one that involves considerable cost. The approach of our fertility law specialists is highly empathetic having been involved in the fertility sector at many levels, whilst ensuring that you receive clear advice across the full range of family law issues that you might encounter on your journey to parenthood.

We offer a fixed fee service at competitive rates and can discuss funding options for court cases if an order of the Court is required.